Long. Distance. Throw those words together, add in the relationship aspect, and you’ve got a pretty difficult recipe ahead of you. For
some most people I’ve talked to, they draw the line at even a few days apart from their partner. Yet after two years of doing long distance, I still haven’t thrown in the towel. Of course, no matter how long or how short the distance, there’s no easy way around the obstacles that come with this kind of relationship. So why invest in a long distance relationship at all?
For starters, one of the biggest lessons I learned from long distance was the true meaning of commitment. This may sound like a no-brainer, but I’m talking about commitment not only to your relationship but also to yourself. This includes making sure you stick to a routine that distracts you from the difficulties of a long distance relationship (LDR), committing to the time and additional attention your partner may need to feel confident in this relationship, and disciplining yourself with the long timeframes that pass between seeing one another and saving up money/planning to see one another.
One of the things I’ve done to ensure that I have a routine is studying (when I was a student), going out/making social arrangements with friends, hitting the gym to take my mind off those really hard days, and always carving out time to either text or call my significant other. While now we manage to text throughout most of the day and always squeeze in one phone call, at the start of our long distance we hardly made time to talk and both realized how toxic it was to our relationship. As corny as it sounds, communication really is the heart of maintaining most relationships- and it’s honestly what strengthened our relationship in spite of the large distance (9,157 km from Los Angeles, California to Hanover, Germany).
We worked hard to understand our 9 hour time difference, determining what time each of us would wake up or wind down for bed, and respecting that sometimes we may not have a chance to talk because of work, school, or just being human (overslept, too tired, etc.). But no matter how busy we got, both of us made sure to remind each other of our love, appreciation, and commitment to this relationship. From a simple compliment to a selfie of their outfit, I was always grateful to know that he was thinking of me and that I could still get a glimpse of his day. Technology really is vital to long distance relationships today, and I truly don’t know if I’d be as happy if it weren’t for our privilege to communicate daily using WhatsApp, Snapchat, Facetime, Facebook, and other social media platforms.
At the beginning of my relationship, my mother bought me a short e-book by Gregg Michaelsen that really changed my entire outlook on long-distance relationships. This quick read (took me only 2 days to finish) helped me address any hidden fears of trust, commitment, and worries about our future.
I learned how to overcome my insecurities and how to communicate them openly with my partner. I also learned that physical connection isn’t everything- and how to make the most of my time with my LDR partner when we were finally together again. While saving up money to see each other can be incredibly costly depending on the distance, it’s certainly worth it to develop a cadence for when you’ll see your partner again and have a solid date in mind for your reunion. This continues to be one of the biggest motivations for me throughout our time apart, and it’s also really fun to keep a countdown of the weeks, days, and hours left until we’ll be together again.
So while this blog post certainly isn’t to try and convince everyone to jump into a long distance relationship, I wanted to provides some guidance for people who might be contemplating the feasibility of an LDR or are already in an LDR and looking for a little advice.
What are some of the things you’ve learned from your long distance relationship? Do you have any questions or ideas I could address in future blogs? Feel free to email me or comment below- and don’t forget to subscribe to my blog for more LDR advice & more!